I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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