afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
