hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
