Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
