I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
