Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
