You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
