dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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