those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
3pm strippers are depressing
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
