I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize