Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize