Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
