Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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