I'm jealous of your bromance
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
