I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
