Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
