Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
