fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
