if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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