Where are you?
In a non slutty way
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I didn't notice because vodka
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
