barbara walters just said penis...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
