i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
