Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
