Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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