my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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