Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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