the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
