I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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