i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I love having hate sex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
