well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
