so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
