why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
