man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
