she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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