Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
