seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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