just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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