Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
