whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
