i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
