maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
