Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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