she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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