The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
