Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
