nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
