Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
