normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize