So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
