i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
