Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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