fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
40s are totally the cure
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
