I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
