I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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