Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
