You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize