Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
