Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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