My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
