It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
did i walk over a car last night?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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