So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You need Xanax blowdarts
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
