that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
