I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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