I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
