Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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