so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
