sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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