Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
