where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
