i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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