We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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