i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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