Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
