Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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