Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
