If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
