I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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