sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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