Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
