Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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