We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
