maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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