Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
