Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
