your room smells of hookers.
And success
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
