you guys were way drunker than both of me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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