wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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