theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
