It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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