My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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