I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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