Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
