i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
