Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize