when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
